chphtHJXIf only getting a date could be this direct!

There are thousands of funny pick up lines. Thousands of them! How do you choose the best ones? I don’t know, but feel free to use any of the ones from this list below.

(Warning & Disclaimer: Use these pick up lines at your own risk. Results may vary and may include physical harm or put your life in jeopardy if used in the wrong place or in the wrong context with the wrong person. Always consult a professional pick up artist before attempting to use pick up lines!)

My Favorite Funny pick up lines:

1. Everyone says I’m a bad kisser. Can you help me figure out what I’m doing wrong?

2. Do you have any tips for getting past fear of rejection?

3. Good news! The test results came back negative!

4. When is the last time you went skinny dipping?

5. Sorry I’m late. (For what?) For our date tonight.

6. Can I protect you from other guys trying to hit on you all night by pretending to be your date?

7. I’m looking for directions, can you help me? I am trying to find out where I can meet you tomorrow afternoon for coffee.

8. Hey, I can’t remember. Do I come here often?

9. Didn’t you and I go to different schools as kids?

10. Didn’t we used to both do two absolutely unrelated opposite activities at one point?

11. Didn’t we used to go to different bars all the time before now?

12. I swear that you are someone I have never met before.

13. I think my phone stopped working. Can I try sending you a text message?

14. You look like a girl who’s probably heard every pick up line ever created…have you heard this one before?

15. What time is it? Okay, I’m going to write this down: {Today’s Date and Time} – met you.

16. I’m not usually this clumsy. I don’t usually fall in love like this.

17. Instead of buying you a drink, would it be okay to cut to the chase and I just give you $5 to never talk to me again?

18. I would buy you a drink, but then I’d be jealous of the glass.

19. I am a Polar Bear. (What?) Yeah, just breaking the ice.

20. Today is the official holiday for “Kiss a Stranger in a Bar” day. Want to celebrate?

21. Were you trying to kiss me? (no) Why not?

22. Do you like pancakes or eggs? I was thinking about what we could have for breakfast tomorrow morning.

23. It’s so nice to see you again for the first time.

24. Can I borrow your shirt?

25. I’m a writer. I’m wondering if you could help me decide whether my next book about love stories will be based on fantasy or non-fiction.

26. Let’s go somewhere we can be alone. Ah, there doesn’t seem to be anyone on this couch. (From the movie Go West)

27. Don’t worry, I’m not going to use any cheesy pick up lines on you. I don’t even want to date you. I like to sleep, and I would never sleep if we dated. I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes to stop looking at you.

28. You owe me a drink. Because when I saw you, I dropped mine and spilled it all over my shirt.

29. I’ve waited my whole life to feel this miserable. (What?)  I think I just met my one true love, and you probably won’t ever even talk to me.

30. Do you want to be different from all the other girls I’ve ever talked to before? Great, can you say yes when I ask you to go out with me tomorrow night?

31. I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party. (From the movie Anchorman)

32. You are everything I never knew I ever wanted. (From the movie Fools Rush In)

33. Want to play a game? You be Little Red Riding Hood and I’ll be the Big Bad Wolf (from the movie Twilight)

34. I don’t want to sleep with another woman for the rest of my life unless I am sleeping with you.

35. People should have to qualify to go out with you. You’re too precious to be on the open market. (Keeping the Faith)

36. If I get drunk, will you take advantage of me?

37. I have really big feet.

38. So, what’s your favorite pick up line?

39. When you meet the man of your dreams, what do you think the first words he says to you might be?

40. Could you kick me right now, as hard as you can, to just get it over with? Cause, see, I really like you, and I might ask you out, and then we might start dating, and then you might hate me someday anyways. So just kick me right now, as hard as you can. And we’ll never speak to each other again and avoid all the heartache. It will be better for both of us, to just get it over with right now.

41. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?

42. Hold up an imaginary magnifying glass to the person and start inspecting them. When they ask what the hell you are doing, say “I’m sorry, I just don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before.”

43. Start pinching yourself and say, “Wait, why are you still here? I think I’m dreaming.”

44. Hi, I just noticed you were noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

 

Adam